Sitting on the plane heading homeward, I felt overwhelming relief. And maybe, most importantly, the more I could ignore the chaos of my piercing, traumatic emotions.Ī few months after Preston’s death, I flew home to be with family and share a sacred space of grief that only we could understand. The more I did this, the more I felt a sense of pride for pushing through. I continued being productive, active in my work and creative communities, attempting to maintain lively social relationships. In trying to process Preston’s death, my emotions were wide-ranging and profound: anger, denial, sadness along with confusion, guilt, helplessness and so many other emotions I hadn’t experienced in this intense way before.ĭespite these feelings, I “held it together well” according to my closest companions-a statement meant to be complimentary. His death seemed to come out of nowhere, and it left my family in an understandable state of shock. On March 26, 2015, my 19-year-old brother died by suicide. If you or someone you love is having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK or text NAMI to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
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